Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
