Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
