Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
