i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize