You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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