I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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