May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
