3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
