This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize