so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
