The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
