If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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