If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
