38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
