speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
