Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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