She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
