Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
