it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
