you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
