He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sext me about skeletons
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
