About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize