the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
