he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was like eating out sand paper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
