I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
