So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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