he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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