come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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