Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize