i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
