I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
