so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
