Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
