You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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