I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's like iHOP with fire
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
