yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
