Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
