He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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