She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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