she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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