No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
