Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
