So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
