It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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