Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
