It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
