She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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