I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
