It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
