I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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