he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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