You just made me feel so damn special
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
