I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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