Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
