Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
