Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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