So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I checked into jail on foursquare
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
