I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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