He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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