I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
