he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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