let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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