you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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