Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
