I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
