I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wear drunk well.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
