i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
