i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
