I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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