Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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