question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
