Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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