I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
