Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
