As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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