Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
