There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You smell like stripper and shame
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
