Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
