Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
