Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
