Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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